Working Undercover – A one (or two) shot story

There were two remaining 5×4 sheets of Ilford Delta 100 left in a dark slide. The sun had finally emerged after weeks with heavily overcast skies. Working from the home office, there was a chance of nipping out for a very brief break one afternoon. Grabbing the vintage 70s German tripod, in it’s bright orange livery and a huge black aluminium carry case. A Toyo D45 view camera isn’t something you are going to carry very far. Probably as far as the church around the corner, before my back gave out, or so I thought.  Taking both shots inside the church had been the hasty plan. On arrival, the frieze on the front of the building was sunlit and seemed like a worthy subject.

Completely engrossed

So, set the tripod up outside in the church gates. Mount the rail and the standards. Next attach the rear screen, attach the bellows and mount the lens board. Remove the lens cap and screw in the cable release. Not done yet. Flick the shutter switch to open, set the aperture wide and grab the rather heavy focus cloth.  Now bent over in the church gateway; a large black on the inside and white on the outside cloth, covering everything as far back as my waist. Inside this makeshift tent, I was busy looking at the screen with a loupe and fine tuning the focus. Completely engrossed, I had been only vaguely aware of some activity on the busy road behind me. Eventually, out from under the cloth and a bit of wandering around with a light meter. Back to the lens to set aperture, speed, flick the shutter switch back and cock the mechanism. Load a film holder and draw out the slide. Finally, with cable release in hand, a satisfying click from the shutter.

Folding everything up as best possible and off inside the church to shoot the remaining frame. That evening the chemicals, measuring graduates, thermometer etc all came of out of the box and were put to work. Half an hour later there were six 5×4 negatives hanging up in the bathroom. At a glance I could see the church exterior shot looked okay.

What do you think is happening here?

Sat at her computer the next day, I heard my partner let out an exclamation. ‘You’ll have to come here and see this’. My partner was looking at Facebook. There was a post already attracting some funny and one or two very uncomplimentary comments. A picture of someone’s posterior (clothed… it could, have been worse) sticking out from under a white sheet in a church gateway. A vehicle had driven past and stopped on account of the passenger’s curiosity. Obviously seeing scope for humour, the passer-by had taken a phone shot of me, posting it with the question ‘what do you think is happening here?’  This had quickly become something of a caption competition on the local community pin board.

Old box camera?

Not wanting to upset the 35mmc readership, I am not going to repeat all of the comments; some were quite funny, others ‘colourful’ and a one or two the clergy wouldn’t approve of.  Despite some vaguely personal remarks, only one really bothered me.  Someone stated I had been ‘taking a picture with an old box camera’.  Don’t get me wrong, I like old box cameras, but come on. Some of my swimming group also use the community pin board regularly and had also seen the post. When I took the picture, I still had on my warm, lined trousers, from after that morning’s sea swim. One of the girls from the group had posted a comment about recognising those trousers anywhere. My partner was reading this; lucky she knows me well.

Ask Linda.

Happily, having developed the film sheets already, I was able to get a negative scanned and post a response later that day. Explaining this was a large format camera in use and if anyone wanted to give it a try, just get in touch. The lady who had taken a picture of my back end, did get in touch. Turns out she is a face I know well as she runs Oma Sustainable Living.  Thanks to a heady blend of incence, chocolate and hand made wool garments, this is the best smelling shop in Ramsey. I tend to go there for at least some my Christmas shopping. Linda kindly consented to the image being used, so thank you (though I think she may owe me a bar of that fabulous plain chocolate). If you find yourself in Ramsey Isle Of Man, drop into Oma. While you’re in there, ask Linda if she has seen any weirdos trying to disguise themselves as ghosts in broad daylight.

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